The Choices We Make
by Jaded Moon
Summary: Suzaku decides to grant Miaka one more wish, but what does Chichiri have to do with that? Takes place after OVA 3. My first FY fic.
1. Chapter 1

_The choices we make_

Chichiri's dilemma

**Author's comments**: Slightly OOC, I guess and not very lively. Still I had to get this out of my system. I am a beginner fanfic writer and I will try to work had to improve next time. Constructive criticism and helpful tips are welcome. Flames will be ignored. Standard disclaimers apply.

**Rating: **K (for all)

_Jaded Moon_

* * *

Encircled by a red light, two figures stood facing each other in a place beyond time. 

"Well? Have you made your choice?" the taller one queried

The smaller figure nodded "Hai."

"Very well. So shall your wish be granted."

* * *

Dragged through spiraling gates of time and a spinning whirlpool of events, Chichiri suddenly found himself facing darkness. Sensing no immediate danger he calmed slightly, yet remained alert. He did not understand why and what force had parted him from his friends so abruptly only to transport him to a place that he afterwards hoped never to see again. 

Muttering curses under his breath he wandered aimlessly around when at once he was stopped by a burst of blinding red light. His first thought left him breathless.

"Could it be? Suzaku…no da?"

But when the light faded enough for him to look, instead of the familiar figure he saw an aged, bald man, dressed in a red robe. In one of his hands he held peach (Chichiri sweat-dropped), in the other- a magic staff. His face bore no sings of malice as his eyes smiled down upon the slightly shocked suzaku warrior. A deep, rumbling, kind chuckle immediately warmed the coldness of the dark place.

"I can see you are somewhat bewildered, Chichiri.. I assure you have no reasons for concern. I mean well. You probably wish to know why you had been summoned here, though."

Chichiri agreed "That would help, no da"

The elder cleared his throat and imitating Chichiri's gesture, explained the reason they were both summoned. As he spoke, images of his seishi friends and of his past began to project somewhere at the back of his mind, a stream of images like a slideshow to illustrate the sage's words.

"In honour of your sacrifices in the name of good cause, in honour of the pain and suffering you had to go through to stop the evil schemes of the Seiyruu Seishi, in honour also of the bond of friendship that the seven of you shared at the cost of other, personal loss, Suzaku decided to grant his Miko one last wish. "

As if on cue, Chichiri was presented with a projection of Miaka and the Suzaku. The god's red aura surrounded them both.

"Miko. In honour of you valiance and sacrifices I grant you one more wish. You may use it for whatever you deem appropriate. I shall not question nor judge your choices."

Chichiri allowed a small smile seeing Miaka's confusion and awe as well as sensing millions of other emotions that must have been surging through her at that very moment.

"Demo", he heard her speak "Mayo is the new miko, how can I?.."

"You are wrong, Miko" Suzako interrupted "Mayo is not the miko. She may have had her powers while carrying your child, but ultimately it is not her. And if you recall, it was you who helped her summon me at the critical moment."

Miaka's eyes widened considerably (and Chichiri's too) as the implications of Suzaku's words sank in. That meant tat possibly.."However" the god continued" we are not here for such trifles.I am here to fulfill your last wish. Please, think it over carefully before you speak"

The brown-haired girl nodded and silence fell.

Meanwhile, the voice of the old man Chichiri had met continued his narrative "Thus Miaka did as was told. Long and hard did she think for her heart yearned to do justice to all. She wanted to do something for her friends, those friends who sacrificed so much for her in the past. Her thoughts returned to Hotohori, the lonely emperor, to Nuriko who in desperation to keep his sister alive took her place, to Mitsukake who had lost the one he loved. But then it occurred to her that they were probably best left alone in peace after departure from this life as unbearable as those thoughts were to her.."

That did not clear Chichiri's mind at all.. What had it to do with him that Mika thought about paying debts to them? She owed them nothing. They fought to protect her becausesuch had been their destiny and honour. Besides no one in their right mind would do otherwise. She was such an adorable, if a little clumsy creature. When she was around, it felt like having a younger sister and Chichiri would always cherish those memories. Unknowingly, he pondered fondly, Miaka helped them all heal a little. She opened their hearts to love once again.

After a while Miaka and the Suzaku appeared before him again.

"Well? Have you decided yet, Suzaku no miko?" the god queried.

A spark shone in her eyes, an unmistakable sign that the wish had been formulated.

"I wish my friends to be happy"

Chichiri swetdropped and fell to the ground in embarrassment. There was Miaka for you, all right. But the red robe-clad man indicated that he should watch on

The Suzaku tilted his head and smiled tolerantly.

"Miko, the wish is not precise. And if it is your intention to make a wish for the sake of your friends I must warn you that it must be limited to but one of them."

She seemed disappointed. Only one? He swear he could hear her thoughts. _But they were all so deserving. _"Miaka…", he breathed, visibly touched.

A moment later her face once again lit up.

"Have you made your choice?" the Suzaku repeated his question. Miaka nodded.

"Very well. Then please tell me who will be the one to receive the gift of happiness?"

In a confident voice and looking straight at the god, though without irreverent bravado, she announced the chosen suzaku seishi. "Chichiri. Please, Suzaku, let his suffering be undone and his life made complete once more. Send him the happiness he deserves. Let him be reunited with the ones he loved "

Under his mask, Chichiri felt moisture gathering in the vicinity of his eyes. Miaka made a wish for him?. Did she not understand that as long as he was sure his friends were all right….nothing else was of much import any more? And then it dawned on him.

"You're crazy, Miaka…", he half-laughed, half-sobbed.

"As you can see, Chichiri" the old man continued once the vision ended "The wish was given to you and that is why I was summoned here." Chichiri listened on humbly, slightly bent forward so that the shadows covered his eyes. "You see, I am Nanji Shouxing, the celestial god of happiness and long life. I have been summoned by the Suzaku to grant Miko's wish.

Chichiri's mask suddenly fell off and he made no motion to replace it, no longer minding it. An alarm bell tinkled somewhere in his sub-consciousness, alerting him that some moment of import was due. Indeed. No sooner had the god introduced himself than Chichiri's eye, towards his shock, suddenly registered two figures emerging from the shadow behind Nanji. One was unmistakably female, the other male. His breath caught and his throat became dry as their identities became clear. He trembled.

"You must know, though," came Nanji's next words, " that once the wish was uttered, two souls resting in oblivion were suddenly disturbed by the longing to be reunited with you. One is the soul of the woman who loved you dearly and who had left you because she felt unworthy to be with you. The other is the spirit of your friend, who unintentionally became the cause of your heartbreak. "

His gaze switched from Kouran to Hikou as he greedily took in their faces, their postures, of those whom he had not seen in a long time, nor whom he ever dared hope to see again, wishing to etch their image in his heart for ever as they were, seemingly so peaceful and yet, if to believe Nanji, disturbed and anxious.

"As you know, human happiness may never be complete. As I recall you once yourself wisely commented that in life we must make choices, and by selecting one option we are bound to lose the other. Verily, there is nothing you can do about it. You are now confronted with such choice, Houjun. Which soul will you free to share with you once more the delights of life?"

In despair, Chichiri hid his face in his hands and cried. This was not happening. He was not faced with the same choice again, he wasn't! Both Kouran and Hikou were dear to him. He loved them both, but in an altogether different way, How could he choose? How could he forsake the long-lasting friendship to Hikou, who, in all truth, was more like a brother to him? On the other hand how could he ignore the pleas of his heart to have Kouran in his life once more, to feel her warmth and how could he resist the temptation to be able to take care of her, make her feel safe?

Yet Chichiri had little time to ponder for no sooner had Nani spoken, a sound reached his ears. At first faint and distant but gradually grew in strength as it neared. Chichiri recognized it as Hikou's voice, reaching out to and addressing his soul from behind time.

"Hikou!" he whispered looking up, naively hoping that his friend was alive and next to him. And in a way, perhaps, he was. Chichiri could clearly sense his presence.

"Houjun" the voice was filled with emotion. His words appeared thought out and deliberate. "Where I am now, I have gained peace and I wish to mend the wrongs done to you in the past. I have long accepted the blame for causing you unhappiness and I wish to remain where I am. The brothers that we were, I forsook our bond in my madness and it is only right that I should pay the price, though I won't deny…my heart yearns to be alive again.

It was all. Hikou voice faded, soon replaced by the sweet melody of the one whom he had not heard in a long time and which at once awoke within his heart the buried feelings of longing, love and tenderness.

"Houjun", he closed his eyes. If this was all a dream then he'd rather not wake up. He sensed at once that her words were dictated by pain, for they came out hollow, barren of all hope. "I knew how much your friendship with Hikou meant to you. By leaving you like I did I thought that maybe things between the two of you would return to how they used to be. I blamed myself for destroying a beautiful friendship. And so, even though my heart bled, I run away. I never even got to say goodbye…My lips had been touched by another and I believed myself no longer worthy of your affections. When the flood came. I let it take me with it, very much indifferent to my own fate. My heart rejoices, however, to have been granted this last time to say farewell and remind you that my love will forever remain with you."

All went silent again and the two familiar forms retreated into shadows, leaving Chichiri to his thoughts. His heart was torn. The choice seemed impossible. They were both so dear to him still. Despite the time that had passed, and in spite of all the pain, Chichiri could not just ignore the emotions that tugged at his soul. He loved them both fiercely.

At the same time he was reminded of Miaka's generosity in giving him this wish. The conviction with which she requested his happiness. If there was no other way, then at least…at least he would be able to live knowing that he was allowed to make peace with Houjun and hear Kouran's part of the story, recognize in his heart the suffering she had endured on their account. That in itself was a gift beyond measure, for it would allow him to move on and heal his wounds. Knowing that their souls gained peace gave him strength. There was no more hesitation in his mind.

His choice instantly made his heart lighter.

* * *

**AC**: I decided to stop here to ask what you think about it. Please don't flame, I know it's rather lame and perhaps a little dry, but it's my first and I'm a non-native English user which leaves me somewhat limited scope of expression, even if I DO try hard. I just really wanted to see Chichiri finally happy, but not after some final tough choices.No happiness easily achieved is ever truly satisfactory, no da. 

I will post the ending on Monday. What do you think should be his choice, though?

As for Nanji Shouxing, I found info on him in a book on Chinese symbols that I have. He was indeed one of the celestial immortal gods, the patron of long life. A peach was considered to be his attribute, the symbol of prosperity..


	2. Chapter 2

His choice instantly made his heart lighter.

Nanji nodded and smiled

"Very well. May you and the one you have chosen have a long and prosperous life. Your companion will be waiting for you when you awake. Farewell, Houjun" He made some obscure motions with his hand and chanted a spell.

Within a single moment, Chichiri's vision became blurred. Nanji's red light faded and he felt himself sucked into the dizzying whirlpool, transporting him back to life, light and a completely new day.

* * *

A month later, to celebrate this important event and pay their respect, they journeyed to the grave where the last of their old trio rested in peace. Despite the fact they had, superficially at least, come to terms with decisions made, despite the fact that they now once more basked in each other's company, there was still much sadness clouding their happiness.

Sadness that would probably never let them be, Chichiri mused, like a ghost of the past hovering near. He smiled half-heartedly recalling a promise that once had been made "No matter what, Houjun, I'd rather be a ghost drifting by your side than a lonely spirit without you"

The pain in his heart, once awoken by his choices, he knew would never disappear now. It had been hard enough to mute its sorrowful song after the tragic events of so many years ago, events that had torn him apart from his friends, that had led him to doubt the value of love and friendship. Now at least it was bearable and he had someone to share it with. No matter what befell them henceforth; their bond had been strengthened and as long as they remained close they could move the mountains. All thanks to Miaka.

"I will be forever in her debt", his companion mused softly, pointing to the countryside around "This is far surpasses my expectations. It is so exhilarating to be…alive once more. I have never really known.."

Chichiri smiled his genuine smile. The mask was not needed any longer. As long as they were together, as long as his heart felt somewhat unburdened, he no longer minded what people said. Even with the scar. This had been a lesson of acceptance.

"No one ever really appreciates it, no da. Not until he himself experiences the loss." He commented thoughtfully.

Sure, there were moments now and then when he replayed recent events in his mind, considering the alternative he could have chosen. What it would be like if the other was here now instead of this one?

Life was full of such doubts yet what was the point of crying over them when had future to consider. Especially when this future miraculously walked beside you. Besides, he mused, in the end he felt he had a debt to pay. A debt that included self0recriminations and regrets if acting too abruptly, mindlessly. Ultimately, all things considered, he reached the conclusion that was his fault. Had he not judged them so quickly, none of the tragedies would have taken place. Or perhaps not.

"I cannot wonder enough how come you chose me instead of…..it is beyond my understanding. After all what happened I would have thought…"

Thing was, the presence of his friend soothed his troubled soul. And it was enough for Chichiri to be sure that he had been right.

"You speak too much, be quiet", the mage laughingly admonished his fellow traveler. " Be quiet and look there", he pointed towards the horizon.

Afar, upon the rolling green hills they saw three kids, two boys and a girl, playing joyfully under the gentle scrutiny of the eye of heaven. They were chasing each other at one time or cheerfully trying to catch the elusive butterflies at another. Then suddenly as the only girl among them fell and cried, both boys jumped to help her up.

It was home.

"It's like with those butterflies, Hikou. You can never have everything your heart desires. And yet with you here I feel complete, because Kouran will remain forever in my heart and her love will always be my guiding light."

And , he added to himself, she would have probably liked to see us together. It would have made her light up again, I am certain of it

Hikou smiled fondly. Indeed. But then again, Hikou reflected, a heart as gentle and loving as Houjun's, with a little friendly help might yet make another miracle come true.

"Speaking of" he spoke "let us now go visit her grave. She would be really pleased to see us there, together I believe. It is as if we were reunited once more"

Chichiri nodded but nonetheless dawdled a while longer, lost in the scene playing before their eyes and Hikou guessed his mind must have wandered back to their own past. Three innocent children, torn apart by circumstances and errors of the youth. Three pure souls broken and forlorn by the folly of their own actions.

In the end it was only after the children completely disappeared from their view that they moved on. The past had been accepted with all its beauty and pain.

From thenceforth, Hikou swore, carefully eyeing the thoughtful face of his friend, he would allow nothing to get in the way of their brotherhood, nor would he allow Chichiri to feel wronged or slighted ever again.

He noticed with pleasure that Chichiri's smile finally widened.

For did he not have reasons to rejoice? The two most important people had been returned to him either in body or in spirit. The days of bitterness and doubt were over once and for all. His heart was reaching home.

* * *

I am done for now, though there is another version that I have of this ending. I will work with it to make it into another story but I am still tempted to write another ending to this one. I'm not entirely happy with it stylistically so one day I might revise it. Did you like it or was it disappointing? I hope not.

I shamefully borrowed a line from "Crouching tiger, hidden dragon (About this drifting spirit)-I loved the film and that line is my absolute all time favourite . I hope I will be forgiven.


End file.
